and you said cock pushups were impossible
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
