I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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