I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
