and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
