All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
