she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
