i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
