He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
