sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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