Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize