What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
