She's JV to your varsity
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
