If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The adults are the big ones right?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
