sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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