nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
