when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
