You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
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right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
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my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner