Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.