I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son