i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
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my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
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Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying