I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.