I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He had one of those small greek statue penises
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken