From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
