I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
