we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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