this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
