I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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