i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
