I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
