I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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