return my video game
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
