I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
