On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
nutella sex= disaster
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
