I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
