I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
