let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
