I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell