yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.