Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

I wish costco sold astroglide.

(248): View more from Michigan

i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.

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(313): I wish costco sold astroglide. (248): i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about. http://tfl.nu/mkwg

Replies (41) Good night (2994) Bad night (1204)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.

(781): View more from Massachusetts

I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.

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(508): Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen. (781): I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night. (508): Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street. http://tfl.nu/mnwi

Replies (25) Good night (1205) Bad night (2501)
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(517): View more from Michigan

The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1

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(517): The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1 http://tfl.nu/3zzc

Replies (11) Good night (3403) Bad night (885)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend

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(908): it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend http://tfl.nu/ha54

Replies (6) Good night (3000) Bad night (653)
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(516): View more from New York

I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level

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(516): I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level http://tfl.nu/2gco

Replies (3) Good night (2024) Bad night (980)
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(231): View more from Michigan

Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.

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(231): Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you. http://tfl.nu/6utw

Replies (18) Good night (2931) Bad night (943)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.

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(270): My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there. http://tfl.nu/pghu

Replies (0) Good night (1341) Bad night (548)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.

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(651): Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid. http://tfl.nu/33yz

Replies (4) Good night (1307) Bad night (434)
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(209): View more from California

I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.

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(209): I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins. http://tfl.nu/devk

Replies (11) Good night (2177) Bad night (568)
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(702): View more from Nevada

Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems

(702): View more from Nevada

I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula

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(702): Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems (702): I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula http://tfl.nu/2l23

Replies (9) Good night (1265) Bad night (880)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.

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(317): Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw. http://tfl.nu/a7sh

Replies (18) Good night (793) Bad night (1003)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.

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(479): Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops. http://tfl.nu/gg9y

Replies (3) Good night (1166) Bad night (824)
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(954): View more from Florida

I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else

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(954): I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else http://tfl.nu/v2q6

Replies (4) Good night (1037) Bad night (213)
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(478): View more from Georgia

But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.

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(478): But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me. http://tfl.nu/3lii

Replies (2) Good night (577) Bad night (181)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.

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(423): That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator. http://tfl.nu/o4y1

Replies (3) Good night (148) Bad night (256)

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