he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...