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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.

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• (914): View more from New York

  so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  He is like the real live version of the state fair..

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• (904): View more from Florida

  nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle

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  These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night

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  The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable

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• (707): View more from California

  After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji

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• (801): View more from Utah

  It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet

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