need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got