I wanna bring you to show and tell
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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