i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
