that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Come see our sink grown plant.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
