I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
