I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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