dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
