Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
