Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
