we're blogging at a bar
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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