dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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