All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
