so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
