Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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