I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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