two words...techno handjob
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
