You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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