I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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