Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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