Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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