The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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