He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
