my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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