You just made me feel so damn special
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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