everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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