there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
