bring money and cleavage
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
