i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
