She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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