Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
